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Thriving in Your Sex Life During Menopause

  • Audrey Bresar

    • When we hear the word menopause, we think of symptoms such as hot flashes, mood swings, brain fog, no more periods, and old women. But this is only part of the story. Gen X women, the ones who grew up in the 1980s and partied in the 1990s, are smack dab in the middle of this stage of life. And they are being vocal about it, especially when it comes to their sex lives.

    I was recently at a party, and the topic on all the women’s lips was menopause and sex. Numerous friends were expressing serious concerns about self-esteem and worries about their relationships crumbling. And with the average age of divorce in Canada hovering in the late 40’s, my friends have a point. 

    Phrases like “sex drive is gone forever,” “I feel so unsexy,” and “now that the fear of becoming pregnant is gone, so is the urge” floated in the air. Years ago, women talking about sex in middle age was a no-no, and menopause was a silent and solitary stage, yet at this table of friends, the discussion flowed freely and with genuine concern. 

    As of 2024, there are approximately 5.15 million women in Canada who fall between the ages of 45 and 64 and are at some stage of the menopausal journey.  The Health Insider has outlined the map of menopause and what women can expect. The article details the symptoms and phases of menopause. 

    Understanding Menopause and Its Impact on Sexual Health

    Hormonal fluctuations during this stage of life affect sexual health. The sudden drop of  estrogen levels and slow decline of testosterone can lead to a decrease in libido and can affect sexual activity. 

    Menopause can also cause urogenital issues. Vaginal dryness, elasticity, and burning can make having sex painful. The vaginal wall becomes thinner, and there is less blood flow, which affects arousal and can make orgasms more challenging to achieve or become less intense. Some women can experience vaginal bleeding or loss of bladder control. Hot flashes and night sweats can leave us feeling uncomfortable and irritated. The association between sex, pain, and mediocre sex can be the ultimate mood killer. 

    The decrease in estrogen also affects our moods, stress levels, and emotional health. The one constant that kept coming up in the round-table discussion was the feeling of losing who we fundamentally were. We had confidently embraced being  20-year-old hot young things,sexy 30-year-olds and flirty 40-year-olds. 

    Yet it was obvious that the confidence isn’t quite there as we negotiate this line drawn in the sand that separates one part of our lives from our uncertain futures as menopausal women. Our bodies are changing again, but this time, it feels like it’s not for the better. Our self-image and sexual confidence from yesterday can be hard to tap into. Desire is diminishing, and many women are embarrassed to talk about it. 

    Sexual function is important to all of us, and talking about it among friends was a significant first step for the women in the room that night. Still, for those of us in relationships, we needed to shed the embarrassment and bring this discussion into the bedroom. 

    Communication, Intimacy, and Desire

    Desire doesn’t disappear; it changes. When we begin a new relationship, desire seems to magically appear and carry us off into the throes of passion. As our relationships grow and life happens, desire changes. Babies, diapers, fatigue, and careers can impact our sexual lives. Dr. Jen Gunter, the author of The Menopause Manifesto, wrote that women approaching this stage of life should “think how they can be proactive in cultivating desire”. 

    Dr. Gunter writes, “the more effort we put into it, the better the outcome”. 

    Of course, desire can also be affected by issues outside the realm of menopause, for example, if the relationship is in trouble, illness or medications, stress and demands from work, money, or family.

    Managing Sex and Menopause

    There are ways to help with sexual function and desire via medications. Some of these options include:

    Women are talking about menopause more than ever. The taboo shrouded around this life stage is being lifted as more research and conferences focus on it. It is a natural phase of life, and women should feel comfortable asking for support and help to maintain a fulfilling sexual relationship. 

    The first step is creating an open dialogue between you and your partner without shame, fear, or embarrassment. Talking about these menopausal changes with your partner can help couples maintain a satisfying sexual relationship that remains just as intimate and exciting as it used to be.

    You can connect with a medical menopause professional here to help navigate this stage of your life and explore solutions that you may not yet know about. 

    As Dr. Gunter writes, women at the doorstep of this stage of life should “think how they can be proactive in cultivating desire and to work on communication about their relationship and sex before a problem develops.”

    ~Read more from The Health Insider~

    The information provided on TheHealthInsider.ca is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice. TheHealthInsider.ca advises consulting a medical professional or healthcare provider when seeking medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment.

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